It has been too long since my last confession!
on 13th January 2009 I had my last cigarette! I had stopped a couple of times a year but this time I found it so easy to stop. I had been put on blood pressure tablets (I was 26). I was determined to change my health and get rid of these tablets!
Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and yes, weeks turned into months. with my determination, nicotine patches and help from other quitters on www.stayquit.co.uk I was on a mission, nothing was going to stop me stopping (have I over done the drama again?).
The stay quit website, if you have never tried it, is very helpful. every two days you log on and answer the question in a mini-blog style. the question could be "why I want to stop smoking" you type away at you answer and then tick the box to say you want it kept private/public. I made all mine public. other quitters then read your posts and offer advice, support, praise. it is a great community, full of people in the same situation.
once you have put on your post, you can click the 'Support' tab at the top of the page, this directs you to everyone Else's posts, which you can read and see what they are going through and then leave comments for them.
I found this so helpful (am I repeating myself) that I often logged on to give support and let people know how I was doing, one occasion I had been stopped for 15 months, but I was struggling, i logged on and asked for help, everyone was very supportive and helped me get through it.
Then cam all the issues with HADA (read 2nd blog for full details) and I caved in!
I started by buying a small packet of Amberleaf tobacco, a lighter and some filters. as you can tell this was pre-meditated and not a spare of the moment thing.
It was horrible, I only had the one but the next day I had another. The weekend came around and I left my Cigs at work. nobody knew and I wanted to keep it that way.
Monday morning came, not smoking had not bothered me all weekend but as soon as I approached Harrogate the urge to have a cig crept in. Had this been an experiment in Tobacco addiction and how much association play a part in it, the results were proven instantly!
Smoking at home was not an option so smoking never entered my head, but as soon as I was near work, where i had my last cig, the little nicotine receptors in my brain woke up and wanted feeding!
The weeks went on with my casual smoking, colleagues then found out, this meant Icould smoke more. When HADA closed I no longer had anywhere to hide my ciggies, they now had to go in my car, but this meant that i was taking them home, thus creating an association between smoking and home.
"I can resist anything, except temptation" (Oscar Wilde)
Soon enough, my wife found out, then my step-son, now i was free to smoke anywhere. I have lost control. Addiction has once again taken over!
So what now? Well, yesterday i bit the bullet and typed www.netdoctor.co.uk/stayquit into the Internet, logged into my account and pressed the 'I've slipped up' button.
The site gave me two options, 'slipped up - had a couple of goes on a cig' and 'Slipped up - smoking regularly'
I clicked the obvious one, I was then given support and asked to write about what happened. they have also given me a new quit date 21/10/10 ( I have ticked the private box because I'm not confident i can do it).
i'm not sure I'm ready to quit yet, because, if I try now and fail within hours, I will feel misserable and my confidence will be knocked and then I'll feel trapped.
But I am going to try, not for my kids, my wife, friends or for that ex-smoking snob that tuts every time i go out for a cig! I'll do it for me and when I'm ready!
