Time for a RANT!!

Since July 2010 I have worked alone, I've not been part of a team, support was there if I went to it. So for two years, two long years I have got up every morning for work often I'm the first one in. I've worked late, I've gone beyond the call of duty. Why? Because I care, because I want 'my' service to be the best it can be for 'my' clients. It got to the point when I realised that being detached from an employer from an organisation became unbarable. So I made the steps to change it. I asked if it could be different?

Now that I am part of a team and have that support from an organisation, from other drug/alcohol professionals. 'my' service has gone out to tender, a tender which my new organisation does not want!

So what does this mean for me? Well, the new provider will not be likely to set up an office in Harrogate just for me! so that puts me back to working alone.

The commissioners have had two years to see me as a case study to see if the worker being detached from their organisation works. They have paid no attention. They failed to see what was under their nose. My stats faltered as soon as I was moved out of an organisation and lost that support. I kept my head above water and stopped the stats failing completely by going beyond the Monday-Friday 9-5. I do not have the energy or desire to carry that on.

I once loved this job, I had a passion, that passion has fuelled me for the last two years and now the tank is empty. I'm ready to walk away and I'll walk with no regrets and my head held high for what I have done in the environment I was left in. I will always be grateful for the support I received from those who were around me. I hope the new model works, I hope it works for the young people who rely on the service for support when they need it most. Even if I keep a job in September I'm not planning on sticking around, my time is done.

This is as polite as I can manage

Mike

Change has to be uncomfortable

Evening all,

It's Sunday evening, I've just arrived home from the final weekend of a Neuro-Linguistic Programming course, I've not been home since Friday has I've spent the evenings with......dare I say it....my girlfriend. My house mate is out, the house is silent. For the final day of the course we were asked to bring a gift for the other guys/gals on the course, a former colleague and now friend brought in some traditional curry for us all and with the aid of a 'doggy bag' I'm now tucking in to some more while I type here at home.

I'm now running two blogs, this is a personal entry, as I mentioned in previous blogs on here, writing what is happening in my life has been a huge help, it means I can take the stuff out of my mind and almost keep it real rather than chewing it over behind my eyes.

The second and 'new' blog is called 'musingsubstance'. As you may assume from the title this is predominantly about drugs/alcohol and a little about behaviour, in general..a work blog.

So, my life so far? In my last blog, it was all coming together, potential new home, opportunities at work and a transfer to a larger organisation, here's how it's turned out so far.......

On Monday 26th March myself and V went to the letting agents, signed the lease and got the keys to our shared home, I had that week off work, the weather was fantastic almost like a week in July. I slowly moved what little stuff I had over the week and finally moved myself in on the Saturday, V would move in the following week.

So here I am in my new home it's been a few weeks now and all seems to be going well.

The opportunity through work to get involved the the performance of 'My Name is Bill' will take place on 11th June 2012, I'm looking forward to this so much I've heard it is quite a powerful story.

I moved to the larger drug treatment charity on April 1st, I've settled in well and I'm enjoying being part of a drug team again. but as always life isn't smooth.

I sat in my new bosses office as she explained that the tender for the yp substance misuse service has gone out to tender and all the possible changes that could entail. One thing she knew for sure is that my new employers would not be putting in for the tender, this then means that if I manage to keep hold of my job on 1st September I will be right back in the position I was in before, detached from my organisation with little or no support. I don't want to go back there but like I said, that's 'if' i can keep my position.

As she finished telling me this I said, "I notice you have a position going with the adult service?" the closing date was that day so after work I completed the application form and emailed it in.

Last Friday (20th April) I had an interview for the post of Recovery Worker. Despite my preparation I failed, my mind went blank as I walked in the room. It was as if I had sabotaged myself, looking back, I had failed the moment my arse hit the seat, before I had even spoken a word.

After the interview I had to leave to pick up my car from the garage, I kicked myself all the way there but tried to tell myself I might still have done enough.

The cost of fixing the car turned out to be £240 and to add insult to injury my card was declined. I needed the car this weekend as it was the final weekend of my NLP Practitioner course in Darlington. Thankfully mum was on hand to bail me out..Thanks Mum.

I drove home to pack for the weekend, trying to switch off from the interview and cost of the car. As I pulled up my phone rang, the voice on the other end said "you didn't do it Mike? I'm so disappointed!"

I wasn't shocked, she went on to say "there was two questions you just didn't answer" "we'll sit down and give you some proper feedback, we don't want to loose you, you fit in so well here"

Sod it!! bags packed, on to Ripon to see S, some food, chill out in front of the TV with a bottle of wine.

It is very easy to relax with S, she'd made fish cakes from scratch, the wine was waiting to be opened, her friend was round with her son who was a fab little lad and a good distraction from the day I'd had. We spent the evening watching the Hangover part 2, had a couple of glasses of wine, it was exactly what I needed.

Saturday morning as I'm driving to Darlington for the 1st day of the last weekend I decide that the issue I will work on this weekend would be why I have not progressed to a team leader post yet and how I can relax during this uncomfortable period of change.

The plan for the day: we were split in to groups of 3. an explorer, a guide and an observer, we would all have to do each role at some point, I began as the explorer (Exploring my issues). N was a fabulous guide and very good at listening. I blurted out what was in my mind about work and being in an unfamiliar life unable to relax. we decided to split the issues into 'Home' and 'Work'. I talked for a good hour, about what I do, Why I do it, and why the day before I had sabotaged my own interview. both N and L (who was the observer) gave me very supportive feedback and highlighted from what I had waffled on about, that there was a 'parts' issue, Part of me wanted that recognition and a part of me was afraid to take the risk. N facilitated further discussion and exploration into what was holding me back, was I good enough for the promotion to Team Leader or even Manager? N and L both claimed I was and that my belief that a good leader would know all the boring policies as well as a good people person. I believe I have the qualities to lead and manage but it was very clear that something was holding me back.

N had to leave at this point, I wouldn't say I was left hanging, but for the first time I could see where I was going wrong. I was exhausted from talking over my issues, but there was no rest, in N's absence I was to be guide as we explored L issue. it was tough going and although I could not help her find a solution, I helped her develop a way forward and said it had really helped.

Sunday Morning, N, L and I carry on where we left off yesterday morning. after a re-cap it was decided that the best tools to use with me would be a sub modality shift to remove the part holding me back followed by creating an anchor for confidence.

The sub modality is done with a light trance, I enjoy this because I get to relax. in the light trance I could see the part of me which was holding me back and I understood why [I appreciate this sounds a little wierd, but if your ever interested in learning more either find an NLP therapist of better still give me a call] the part of me holding me back was doing so because I was trying to avoid failure. in the light trance, I shrunk the part or the image to the point I could not see it and sent it as far as I could imagine and in my mind buried it under a tree. That part of me is now gone. N went on to help me create a confidence anchor, anchors are something we all have, music is a very common one, we hear a song and it takes us back to a time or place. one for me in Cinnamon, it reminds me of Christmas.

The anchors we have are created by repetitive action and feeling at the same time. In the light trance I focused on a time I felt extremely confident and once the feeling peaked made and action (pressing two fingers together) the idea being that when I need to feel confident I make the action and the feeling of confidence comes in.

So there you have it, a bit of a long blog this time, but for now I'm a newly qualified NLP therapist, in four weeks time I begin the next level, the Masters.

Take care

Mike