In the days, weeks & months following the dawn of my 30th year I reflected on my failings and also my achievements. In June 2011 I did a 4 day diploma course in Neuro-linguistic Programming, it's difficult to explain what it fully is because it covers the human, behaviours, communication etc. the best explanation I have come across is, it's about getting more of what you want, more of the time. I went on the course expecting to learn new skills and understanding of my clients, instead I learnt alot about myself what makes me react in different ways and the skills to react differently so that I can get a better reaction from other people. Following on from the diploma I began the NLP practitioner course in October. one month after turning 30 I was as keen as ever to begin to discover more about this mind I have been wondering around with for 30 years.
I was already contemplating my future at this point, where I was and where I wanted to be were beginning to look like two completely different places. One thing made clear with NLP is that this is my life and it's me who controls it. "possible in the world and possible for me, is only a question of how" Looking back now, it seems the question of what I was going to do was becoming stronger to the point I would have to 'get in lane'
Christmas is a time of year I dread, it's a time for worry, stress, overspending - leading to stress and worry. I could do with out it. Christmas 2011, the stress of Christmas made me forget the pressure I'd put myself under with regards my life in general. I enjoyed the week off work over the festive period but the return to work loomed. As everyone knows, after returning to work you spend a day discussing the fact you ate too much, laughing at the fact you drank too much and ignoring the the more negative staff who fail to find anything better to say than "Well.. that's it now... diet time" as though it's something we all have to endure in January, excuse me luv, I'm 12st wet through and that's after Christmas, if you feel the need to shift the timber go ahead but leave me out of it! The second day you feel as though you have never been off and the diet lady is starting to get on your wick with her hourly updates of her fitness regime. Going off point, I really think there are husbands all over this country and beyond who seek out the present which would annoy his wife's colleagues the most and nothing does it better than a step 'o' meter.....THANKS PAL!
Anyway, I'm going through the motions with work, plodding along with life and this reoccurring thought comes back to me "if it's not working, do something different" I know exactly what it meant to me, but how, would it be social suicide? how would it affect others? could I survive? and do I actually have the courage to make such a bold step?
Mid January, things are not going so well. I arrive home one Wednesday evening about 8pm. I ask my wife where the boy is (16 year old step-son) the response I got both knocked me off my feet and gave me courage at the same time. "he's stopping with his aunt, he does not want to be around you" Ouch! I'd always tried to be the best dad I could be, I'd noticed he'd been in a foul mood, but he's 16, they all look like that.
A new question: How could I now stay and sleep at night knowing I'd pushed a young lad away from his home? the pressing question which had followed me for the last year was answered instantly. For the next two days I went to work as normal I spoke to my dad who invited me to stop at his over the weekend which I did. This is the first time in a long time my dad and I had an in depth personal conversation.
I returned home on the Sunday night (the boys birthday) knowing what I wanted but how do I do it with out hurting her? I suggested we speak tomorrow night, as it was the boys 16th, let him have this day. On Monday, she sits down next to me on the sofa and asks, "whats wrong, is it over"? you'd think she was expecting the answer by asking the question, but the look on her face when I replied "Yes, I think it is!" it was like I had ripped her stomach out.
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