Unhappyness #2

I have spent a week thinking, not in a feel sorry for yourself way, but in a forward way. granted my head is in a bit of a state at the moment so I need to do a clear out.

My thought process this morning was:

I will get up for work (as normal) because I dont want to be at home

I dont want to be at work

I dont want to speak to Jen (my long suffering wife) but she has the bank card and I need petrol to get to the job I dont want to go to in the car that I hate driving.

My thoughts now after a few hours thinking:

I dont want to be at work because I dont believe in my ability to do the job well (this may sound negative but its actually a positive)

I recognise that the issue with work at the moment is belief, my belief, this is some thing I can work on.

I dont want to be at home because my wife worries constantly about every thing and I don't have the energy to deal with her worry or to respond to it. Which is why I felt I could not speak to her this morning.

Her worry is not mine to deal with though I feel as a husband it is my job to find solutions to her worry? in actual fact that job is impossible. only she can do that for herself.

As I was forcing myself to work, I decided to try to fill my diary with as many clients as I could so that next week I am kept busy in the hope that it would be a better week, I noticed that we are upon a bank holiday. I feel good about this, though I'm not sure why, I'm rolling with it.

Before I go, Last night when I got home, there was a message to call the doctors. I thought it would be regarding my councelling appointment? No! the 'erm' doctor had not written down my blood pressure reading when I was there on Tuesday and as I'd been avoiding going in to have it taken for the past 3 months they called to ask me to go in. I kindly offered to take my BP and give her the results over the phone but she refused as I'm not medically trained! Then, as I'm feeling slightly annoyed by the situation and that I have been somehow 'tricked' into going for my blood pressure taken the woman on the phone did the most annoying thing anyone on a phone can do to an adjitated person, she spoke softly and nicely!

"would you mind comming in and having it taken by our nurse Mr Benson?"

"No, Not at all, can we make it a morning appointment?" I replied

Grrrr!

Now that is training for you! I teach my clients to do the same thing! conned by my own work! it was like being shot with my own gun!

TTFN